The turn into 2012 has led to a little rumination on a specific subject. Lately, I've been feeling very lonely. I am in a far away country, thousands of miles away from what has become my spiritual home at Back Bay Yoga in Boston, thousands of miles and multiple time zones away from the people who mean the most to me.
In the summer of 1997, someone told me that I would be lucky in life if I could find just one handful of people that I would trust 100%, whom I could call upon in an emergency and know for a fact that they would be there when needed, who would have my back no matter what. I have had such luck. I've 6 such people.
That's not to say I don't have other friends--whom I care deeply about, including some wonderful people in Melbourne--but those 6 know everything there is to know about me. They know my fears, my secrets, my hopes and dreams, and they know that I would also drop everything for them. The 6 are the only people who know me with absolutely nothing held back. I hope others reading this don't take offence at that fact.
Yet the loneliness that I feel is not the loneliness of friendship: cliched as it may sound, it is the loneliness of romance. I feel envious. Envious that many of the 6 "inner circle" and others of my friends have found someone special. Someone they can wake up to, snuggle up to: the last face they see at night or the first face they see in the morning. Someone to hold and to be held by.
I'm not a serial dater. I don't jump from girlfriend to girlfriend. It takes me a while to get over heart-ache, and I don't give my heart easily. That being said, I feel like I'm over the last one now....and I'm ready to meet someone.....You all know that I love T S Eliot's poetry and that his stanza, "the faith, the love and the hope are all in the waiting" rings true to me....But right now....I wish the universe would just get a fucking move on!
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