Shitty News...And T S Eliot

Over the weekend I got the news that my godfather has died. Although I hadn't seem him all that often in the last couple of years, he was always a huge support to me. He always gave great advice, and called the monsters in my life by their name, without beating around the bush. After a long day at school yesterday, I got massively upset, and started crying about losing him. I didn't get to say goodbye, I wish I'd told him what his advice meant to me, and what it meant to me that he had my back when I needed him to and when few other people did.  Being so upset about him in turn brought on being upset about someone else. You'll know who I'm thinking of. I just wanted someone to tell me things are going to be ok, and to give me a hug. I almost broke for the first time in months...I almost emailed the person I'm thinking of but didn't, thankfully.

I didn't because a piece of poetry popped into my head. Read out by one of my mentors in a Yoga class in Boston early this year, it made me stop, and breathe, and realize that the desire to have someone is a normal human emotion....but I want someone who values me for me, and knows what they have found in me.  The stanza from the poem always calms me down, but also moves me in a very deep way. Its from T S Eliot's East Coker, and I don't think any further comment is necessary.

"I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love,
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting."