Well, I've been off the blog for a few weeks....which have been a blur. News of Peter's death put me in a haze...it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I've had a huge amount of 'new' stuff in my life to get used to: moving to Australia, starting a new career track....It had all kind of piled up. I was keeping it inside and getting more and more frustrated with my inability to vent it and have a release. I was running things around in my head, and couldn't stop: what could i have done differently, why did things turn out the way they did? is it all my fault? Am i a failure? Am I f*****g it all up?
In typical Fabs style i was beating the shit out of myself. No-one is better at self flagellation than me. That, people, is the great 'negative' of having Germanic blood. We do guilt 3rd only to Catholics & Jews. I was a zombie for a good two weeks. I ate junk every day. I didn't train, and skipped out on yoga. I started slipping back into darkness. Then, on Sunday morning, I woke up to see that one of my Boston Yoga mentor Jedis had posted a class playlist on FB. This mentor always puts together amazing playlists and I usually head right to I-Tunes to check it out and buy a couple. Listening to the excerpt of one...I froze...Matisyahu? Who the f**k is that? A Hassidic Reggae artist? Who knew! I buy the whole song...put it on my I-Pod...and it hits me...PERFECTION...just...for...THIS...moment. I head up to the privacy of my room, cause its raining outside, lay out my mat and start doing Sun Salutations. Within seconds the tears are flowing, and the release is HERE...Surya Namaskara while bawling your eyes out with a song on repeat. Music touches my heart like no other art form. It reaches the depth of my soul in ways that a painting or photograph can't. Combine it with yoga and it's perfect....Sunday night I slept like a baby and this morning, boy did the weights get thrown around....I'm over the hump and back...
"Sometimes I lay under the moon
And I thank God I'm breathin'
Then I pray don't take me soon
'Cause I am here for a reason
Sometimes in my tears I drown
But I never let it get me down... So when negativity surrounds
I know someday it'll all turn around..."
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