Phoenix

After waking up this morning, Aussie time, and reading a blog post by my dear friend Deb, I'm inspired to write this. Many of you will have noticed that I've had this image of a Phoenix up as my FB profile photo for some months now.

In ancient mythology, the Phoenix symbolizes rebirth and renewal. Those of you who know me well are aware that the last 3 years or so haven't been easy for me. I've finally confronted a lot of things about myself and my past that needed confronting, and fought--and am still fighting through depression. There are up days and down days. Thankfully the up days now outweigh the down.  With some amazing help, love and support from a select group of "Fabs' Jedis"--yes, that's what I call them, and they know who they are--I've made progress, and made huge changes to myself. For the first time in years I feel at peace and contented. I've come out of my emotional shell: when a song comes up on my Ipod that triggers sad memories or emotions, I cry while I'm walking down the street. If its one that makes me want to sing out loud, I do so--in spite of the fact that both of these "public displays of emotion" often elicit bemused glances from passers-by or fellow tram riders. Sometimes I break down in tears on the yoga mat, sometimes I burst out laughing.Other times I'm quiet and meditative...just...present.

People have told me that the changes to me are visible as well as emotional. I've been told that my posture is more upright, that my eyes are clearer and my brow less furrowed than it ever has been. Perhaps I should be more succinct: I'm in touch with my heart, and with my feelings. I'm in touch with and am finally finding the real Fabian.

It is those significant changes to myself that gave me a new vocation in life that I'm fortunate enough to be able to explore. The first 4 weeks of my natural medicine course have been incredibly profound. To realize that I can play a part in helping people to heal--and in turn continue my own healing has been extremely emotional at times.The "power of touch" is really...powerful.

All of this has been a revelation, and it still sometimes feels very weird and very new. Change can be hard to quantify, and re-reading the above I find it doesn't fully express what I'm trying to say-but that's the mystery of feelings and emotions--how do you explain them? The best we can do, is just to "let it flow"--and that's what this journey is about to me.